My life as a text adventure – part one: The office

You are in a large room.

There is a desk here. On the desk is a computer with two monitors and a telephone. There are a lot of messy papers nearby.

To the east is an alcove. To the west is a room from which emanates a faint waft of French pop music. To the north is a door.

> Turn on computer

The computer splutters into life and the familiar burble of the “Windows loading” sound comes from a small speaker.

> Wait

After ten minutes the computer is operational.

> Open browser

I’m sorry I don’t understand. Try rephrasing that.

> Start work

I’m sorry I don’t understand. Try rephrasing that.

> Use computer

On the left monitor there is an error message.

> Read message

The message says “You do not have authorisation to perform that function”.

> Use telephone

There is a dial tone on the telephone.

> Dial helpdesk

I’m sorry I don’t understand. Try rephrasing that.

> Pick up computer

The computer is heavy but you struggle and are able to lift it high above your head.

> Throw computer

The computer hurtles across the room before crashing into the south wall. It breaks into a thousand small pieces with an enormous bang.

In the small hole created by the impact of the computer you can see the outline of a keyhole.

> Examine keyhole

There seems to be a secret door here. You peel back the wallpaper to expose the rest of the door.

Drawn by the noise, an IT guy in an ill-fitting suit appears. He looks uncomfortable and stares at his pair of unpolished shoes.

> Open door

The door creaks open revealing a damp passage with uneven steps carved into the stone leading downwards.

The IT guy opens his mouth and says a strange phrase “dev null pipe qwerty syntax error”. He closes his mouth.

> Say Windows

The IT guy shudders.

> Say Ubuntu

The IT guy starts talking at a furious pace and looks distracted, caught up in his own world. This might provide an opportunity to escape without being noticed.

> Down

You go down the stairs and close the door quietly behind you.

It is dark and you cannot see. The dampness is cloying.

> Inventory

You are carrying: an iPhone, a backpack, an oil lamp, a box of matches, and a silver key.

> Use matches

You light a match. Shadows flicker on the damp walls.

> Light lamp

The lamp lights and the shadows recede.

The stairs descend further into the darkness.

> Down

2 replies on “My life as a text adventure – part one: The office”

This really captures the IT experience. But not necessarily the office experience. You would need additional chapters to really portray all the (mis)adventures.

Would love to throw some computers right now. Is this a green light to do that then?

Hope you get around to a part two – this really brings back memories of ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ books, later supplemented with computerised versions played via a green screen command line… I remember hacking together one using batch files on one of our early PCs.

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